you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This is my gift to your gina
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
