i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
