I'm jealous of your bromance
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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