I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
