Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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