I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Panties = found
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
