yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
