Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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