My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
