just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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