he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
