My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
