I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
