at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
