so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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