May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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