Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
