when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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