Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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