She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
