he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
