she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
