the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
