so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
