i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
did i just pee glitter
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
