forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
