I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
