I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
