Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
