I don't usually arrange sex via text message
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
