Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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