maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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