She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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