There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
