I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
