Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
