dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
