Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
