ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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