why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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