The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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