Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I need to align my fucking chakras
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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