Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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