I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
