Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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