I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Randomize
