Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
