i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She bit a glass in half.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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