it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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