My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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