I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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