id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
