Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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