Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
