Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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