My nipple is on Facebook.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
