i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
