Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
