I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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