he shaved USA in his pubs
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
