around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
