I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
