I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
