why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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