what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
