put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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