So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
