It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
