Swine flu is the new snow day.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Is Oprah even human
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
