is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
