i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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