You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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