i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
