In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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