Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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