If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
